Simple Thoughts on Hurting & Forgiving – by sara

Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday

I’ve heard before, and said myself that “hurt people hurt people.” Today I found myself wanting to use that tidbit to justify someone’s lack of judgement (I was trying very hard to make sense of something hurtful thinking that it was more honorable than just simply wanting to “hurt them back”) but that line of thinking was stopped with an “ah ha!” moment deep in my spirit: I can choose to forgive someone who has hurt me (whether accidentally or on purpose) WITHOUT offering excuses for their behavior and without trying to understand where they were coming from. Over the past twenty-seven months of living in Africa, this is an area where God has helped me to grow; freeing me from having to justify (and over-explain) the things I do whether the good or the bad.

My “ah ha!” moment this morning has presented me with the opportunity to experience something personally painful and choose to do what is right in spite of my feelings. You see, the fact that we have been hurt or are in pain is not the stamp of approval for us to go around with our mouths (or emails) blazing like Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday “cleaning up” Tombstone. While I may be more prone to speaking harshly when I am tired or feel stressed, I am still responsible for my words & actions. If we all used being hurt as a license to continue the pattern of hurting others, then the cycle would never end.

The truth is, we’ve all been hurt or have experienced pain in our lives, and we’ve all made poor decisions at once time or another and have been a source of pain, hurt, confusion or frustration to someone we love. Sometimes the person may have meant to provoke you or purposely cause you pain, but most often it’s our own state of mind and interpretation of the situation that we filter the situation through before drawing our conclusions about how “bad” the situation is.

To be completely transparent with you, December has been a blessed yet terribly painful month for our family in many ways — and no, I am not talking about late-stage pregnancy and contractions (though those have contributed to my physical discomfort and have therefore given me lots more moments to choose to walk in love and speak kindly to others.) Being lied to or lied about is hurtful — being cheated and taken advantage of certainly does not feel good — and yet, I can can choose to truly forgive without needing to offer one word of justification for the other person’s actions — I can even choose to forgive if they won’t admit to wronging me and even if they’d hurt me again given the chance. We are free to either react (negative) or respond (positive) to the circumstances of life. That choice is what dictates our own level of internal peace. We are all unique — the Bible says we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) in the image of the Creator. Adversity can make you beautiful if you let it!

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4 NIV)

Perhaps this isn’t as big of an “ah ha!” to you as it is to me, or maybe it’s the forgiveness part you need God to help you with — either way, because of His great love for us, the circumstances of life will continue to present us with opportunities to make the choice to draw closer to Him.

Summer is here! The beautiful Ngong Hills near our home in Nairobi, Kenya.